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11 August 2010

2010 Beautiful bikes

Yes, there they are! The one hundred worst rubbish, detritus, mutant, flotsam and jetsam throwaway scrap metal piles of offensive sewage junk ever to violate the eyeballs of motorcycle riders around the world! This awful offal collection is the definitive list of all the motorcycles that will make you lose your lunch at first sight. Is there any motorcycle rider among us who can resist the urge to projectile vomit at the sight of any of these gargoyles from hell? But look at the bright side! Many of these bikes would look better under a layer of puke as it would at least cover them up a bit!

There have been many incredibly beautiful motorcycles designed, not the least of them:

  • BMW R75
  • Ducati 900 SS
  • Harley Davidson Sportster
  • Harley Davidson Super Glide
  • Honda CB 350 F
  • Honda CBX Six
  • Honda Nighthawk
  • Honda Shadow Aero
  • Honda ST1300
  • Indian Chief
  • Kawasaki Drifter 800
  • Kawasaki H2
  • Kawasaki Voyager 1700
  • Kawasaki Vulcan 1500
  • Kawasaki Z1
  • Norton Commando
  • Suzuki GS500F
  • Suzuki Savage
  • Triumph Bonneville
  • Yamaha Road / Wild Star
  • Yamaha XS 650
  • Yamaha XT 500

... and many more. However at the same time, the same styling departments who can produce such harmonious perfection take a left turn into hell and crank out such shockingly ugly designs that you have to run away screaming.

Do I have specific ones that I'd have to outline as the worst of the worst? Certainly the Suzuki Madura did establish an eye popping all time low in styling slurry, but there are many, many others that are just as worthy:

  • Ducati Multistrada
  • Harley Davidson Rocker C
  • Honda Pacific Coast
  • Hyosung Aquila
  • Kawasaki Versys
  • Kymco Venox
  • Moto Guzzi Stelvio
  • QLink Legacy
  • Suzuki B-King
  • Suzuki Boulevard M109
  • Triumph Tiger
  • Victory Vision

...and almost everything that Yamaha, Bimota, Buell, BMW and Triumph has designed in the past five years! Those five manufacturers do have to be singled out as they have turned their back on decades of beautiful design and consistently turned out cockroachcycles that replace flow and balance with a look that can only be compared to riding through a tractor parts warehouse with an electromagnet. Completely despicable! Shame on you, Yamaha, Bimota, Buell, BMW and Triumph!

However, the horror show didn't just start in this millennium, as horrific styling has a long history. There's the stomach-wrenching MZ Trophy, the vomit-inducing Vincent Black Knight, the retch-worthy BSA Rocket 3, and the Sears Puch which although isn't pronounced Puke, it certainly should be.

It is very unfortunate, but there are times when motorcycle manufacturers completely lose the plot and foist unspeakable junk on the riding public, and it truly is amazing that no matter what repugnant mess of a motorcycle is presented, there will always be someone out there who thinks it's the paragon of perfection and wants to defend it to the death.

Undoubtedly there will be some blind fanboi or other who will jump into the Comments section defending their own particular favorite steed, completely disregarding its evident aesthetic shortcomings and the fact that it's been hit repeatedly by the monstrous uglistick. To all you fanbois, I say Bring It On. All 100 of these bikes are more repulsive than a maggot sandwich with slime sauce and a side of fried larva, so just try to prove me wrong!


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